thanks dad!!!!! bike riding is cool

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OMG.

So I am going to write a play. My dear friend roger had said something like that to me once and I did imagine this whole scene in an overly theatrical manner of jenn and the doorbell. Great story I swear.

And then there interjects my reality with family and facebook. The whole world knows each other. I cant run away from community- I can have diversity. No problem, says the universe but you cant really run away Melissa. And I pause (from my running) with my mouth open and say in a shocked voice, “I am not running’. Hmm, not intentionally anyway. Maybe people scare me. As much as I long for deep connection- it is so scary.

I think I do a pretty good job of not overdramatizing my early childhood and even the exciting events that have kept my life interesting post college graduation onward to this strange culmination and different platform to form my experience- san Francisco. So people, yeah- I have done a pretty good job of duplicating family like relations. Nicole for example. Thank god for Nicole. She didn’t leave.

And I tried so hard to make her go. And she didn’t leave. Thank goodness she is a Taurus J ha ha anyway- whichever and whatever I say she has been my continuity in this weird wacky world I get to walk through. So thank you Nicole for calling me back and telling me indeed I am totally lovable and a beautiful person- and I hope you all know it isn’t those words- I can feel her love me. It is just there- like a well of trust and surrender and strength and renewal. An endless fountain- not like we haven’t had to do occasional repairs. My goodness- we have had some ups and downs. But that’s what I love about her, even when I hated her guts and whatever other extremes of negative emotions whatever issue or whatever- it eventually brought us to another level of trust and appreciation for each other. So interesting, so awesome. I guess I appreciate the fluidity and continuity- like it brings me back to center.

Anyway, so about a few months into my living in san Francisco I have at certain moments longed for support group and the awareness that even though new relationships are GREAT- they don’t have that sense of security that established relationships have- in particular Nicole is a huge one but I had loads of others in new Orleans. I also feel a lot less stuck in my stuff here (I am so much more balanced here- I have awareness of my conflict internally or whatever but I have a peaceable distance from it- AND I am still aware of being in my body- all those good physical activities like riding a bike and walking up hills etc.)
Subject change. I had the idea yesterday to thank my dad for selling my car when I was in England the first time because the 8+ years I have had a bike and public transport as my main mode of transport has been awesome. I am probably so much more a happier person-it is effortless way to keep physically fit. I have to get places, the mere pumping of my legs gets me there. What magic! I swear, its called a bike. Try it. I heart them.