gay men and blessings...

i can only begin to express the deep gratitude that i have for my personal experience with gay men. it was funny- it took a recent experience with one of my housemate's friend's staying at the warehouse to really get so really empowering realizations and understandings. i love understanding things more. i love consciously receiving. i love releasing judgement from my self. (I would like to honor Marianne Williamson's A return to love for that last part in particular.) i know the true freedom that comes from-got distracted. ha ha. sigh.


release. let go. in this glorious now moment-i am eating the most delicious apple. mmm. ok. so as i was saying- i so deeply honor my relations with gay men. having come to the understanding that men i find attractive make me feel defensive- put me into the flight, fight or freeze mode- and that i have yearned for joyous and healing loving interactions with men. and up to NOW- the experiences that have brought me forth to this moment- i have found a joyous refuge in the embrace of beautiful gay men. the validation, the love, the support- even slow dancing. my magical last evening in new orleans at my dear friend roger's house- there was a party for his roomate and i was one of two women with 12 gay men. oh heaven.

i had been fantasizing about slow dancing with a handsome man and my lover etc. and among the many blessings i received- i got to slow dance with loads of these really lovely handsome SAFE men. what a blessing. i just felt pretty and loved and safe and happy. the joke to be so still and peaceful about a place that churned me up and around and down and on.

and my dear dear friend roger. so incredible in so many ways. the level of awareness we reflect back to each other is of pure awareness. he helps me expand-i feel safe and love- i feel dazzled by the multitudes of kinds of experiences we have together. it is synergy. it i s this fabulous dance of our glorious energies. he is my beloved. he is my happy thought. he is so generous- not to just me- but literally is emmenating on micro medium and macro levels a positive and uplifting impact on the world and fellow brothers and sisters. it's funny because roger has been using that term for a while. he is so psychic and yet as a capricorn delightfully grounded. he is a wonderful compliment to my strengths. i love the feeling of the limitless potential of what we can create and consciously co create together. and i feel happy just at the thought of him. in fact, i am in love with him. i am totally completely head over heels for him. and you know what is great? he loves me too. he is in love with me too. and so the clever universe found a way to overcome my 'ego' created issues with men and intimacy and sex and allow the most handsome loving generous man (of a not too intimidating stature) really see me and be with me and know me. and gasp! he loves me and affirms that indeed as i have been telling myself- I AM so lovable and perfect as i am as an imperfect being. but thats the thing- roger doesn't necessarily say that to me. he craftily always finds a way to speak to me in a way i can really hear him and helps me to be the fuller expression of who i am. which is a pretty good coming together i would say. yeah. oh roger- thankyou.

so my relationship with him is utterly magical and even the adventures we have had together- my god- they are so varied and wonderful. they are inclusions of so many aspects of my SELF. we craft, we meditate, we laugh, we eat, we converse, we reiki, we play, we geek out on spirituality, we paint, we make things, we experiment, we cook, and on and on and even that doesn't come close. as i attempt to express the magic of our continual coming together and mutual appreciation- i see glimmers of both the most spectacular and not. myself at some dark and hard times and him as well as well as the times when we just eased into BE-ing ness. it is easy to BE with roger for me. and i think he is an amazing person who is living his personal legend and i feel honored that he values me so much in his life. i do feel validated- if someone so special and doing such glorious good in this world can see the same light in me that i see in him- yes, then i am as shiny as i thought. and it is ok for me to BE shiny. i am a light. and it is time for lights to shine. oh, we sing. he is currently in his gospel choir, opening transgender and gay men wellness centers, in a play, a happy loving relationship and treats himself and his body with love and respect. yes! i feel extremely honored to be a match to that person. amen.

so.