Ok. So note to self, I write more professionally and more organized in a word document than the blog thing. Turns into a journal entry. Shifting focus now towards the expression! Of my journey of joy. My dear friend Roger has called it the Camino for me.
For anyone tuning into my life that does not have this information, after the storm (Katrina) I adventured/ventured to complete the camino de Santiago de compostela, la via de plata. Silver route which starts in Sevilla. I did not complete the Camino, as the real lesson for me was not to finish but instead change mid stream and face the unknown. Big lesson for me at the time. It took nearly freezing outside to realize that being stubborn and unable to do something OTHER than the pre planned route already agreed upon was not worth- ha worth- dying for. I had to deal with money issues, “but I planned out my money to do the camino, oh my god what could happen if I didn’t do the camino DUN DUN DUN” but I faced it all. FACED the great unknown and Madrid ended up being this amazing cosmic vacation from reality and so proves (shows/suggests) that facing the unknown can yield some awesome results.
And so fast forward from the uncompleted Camino- to my current camino and lessons. This move and in truth it began before the move. It began last spring with some deep grief and experiencing parts of myself I never knew existed and I had happily divorced early on. This personal shift so deep and powerful that I am still working through. Anyway, this momentum that my life really started to gather and my continued frustration with New Orleans has created (through the contrast which can be so hard to live through sometimes) the most glorious incredible life giving renewing healing inspiring delightful magical wholesome fun hilarious playful engaging surprising empowering fantastic experience that has been San Francisco as I know it to be as it and I are becoming together.
I said, let’s discover each other San Francisco. I noticed that I am not hungry for the cultural niceities that show/prove I am really a resident here- but I feel so satisfied by the knowing that this is so awesome and there is so much more to discover. It makes me feel so much more relaxed about what is happening now and relaxed that there is so much more. It sort of frees me from the need for this moment to be awesome and YET that makes this moment pretty awesome. Yes Abraham it really does just get better and better.
But in alignment with my theory on topography of locals affecting its residents (New Orleans=swamp=all your deep dark issues and you are just sitting in them. As my dear friend Annick says it, “sitting in your own sh*t” Yep, that sounds and feels about right.
And so San Francisco has so many delicious amazing topography things to choose from. I certainly have experienced the highs and lows of those glorious hills, in both literal and metaphoric ways. So you may be sitting atop some glorious hill and looking out over the most glorious vista and even catching a glimpse the ocean. It is AWESOME. And then the ocean, but don’t get me started on the ocean- that would have to be a lifetime worth- ha worth- of blog entries.
As I was affirming though, my lows are higher than ever and getting easier and easier. I actually had a guy hire me and say, “see, that was easy right?” and that was such a good message from San Francisco- it only asks that you chill out. I am like, wow my life is totally amazing. I have managed to manifest funds for three months of work free experience WITH a month of travel and huge life experience, an effortless move from a city I lived in for five years and land in an incredible warehouse utopia. YES, there is a god. And I have done enough PYSCH-K balances that clearly I believe I deserve some good. But I have also challenged my self love and worth. Oh worth.
I now praise and declare with joy, I have three jobs and they seamlessly work together so that I don’t even work so hard. I truly do work I enjoy doing, I am loved and love those I work with and for and it’s all really ok. I did some wicked EFT on myself yesterday too. So yeah, I manifested 3 jobs in 2 days. Thanks to friends who held me in that radiance of well being. Amber, Annick, Aimee, oh Roger, Amanda, Amanda, the compound, Kate, and more… Thank you for being my friend and reminding me of my awesomeness when I forget. I really appreciate it.
So yes, I now experience a sense of appreciation for my actual work experience manifested so effortlessly (after lots of miracles for a month of San Francisco immersion). Oh yeah, did I tell you guys I signed up for the “Have a fantastic immersion in San Francisco” clause. I know, I am so glad. San Francisco feels like I graduated from the darkness of New Orleans and that truly my lesson for here is to allow. I will do my best to recount all the blessings/ gifts/ miracles that I have experienced while here for a little over a month.
Magical warehouse apartment filled with plants, huge tea selection that surpasses my wildest expectations, more kitchen supplies and gadgets, tools, space, bikes, dry goods, storage, commercial stove/oven!! All baking things I could have EVER asked for- woah. ICE CREAM ALL THE TIME in new and delicious flavors, food that is available for general consumption (so I can eat healthy things and not have to tear myself up over having to be the one to create it- OHHH THE CONTRAST from living by myself- I am so grateful to be where I am now, thank you thank you thank you thank you!)
Information, fun, laughter, sharing, playing, conversation!!!!!!!!!!! Oh conversation!!!
Seriously, and then the connections to others. I have already met and connected with so many people and as I was thinking about my sublet eventually being up (having had it graciously extended, thank you again) and leaving studio G and even a little bit more sad or at least a different kind of sad Studio H. OH H- I am in love with you! I have never known love like this before!
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Thursday, November 12, 2009
please help me angels guides- for REAL.
So I have recently come to understand my sense of worth and how that was tied up in employment and financial sense of security. I knew coming into this adventure that I would testing my beliefs regarding money and was delibrately jumping out of the not satisfying but secure world I had created in New Orleans. I thought as a teacher of this information, that it made sense for me to put these into effect. I believe I attempted to articulate this in my last posting- however, I acknowledge that perhaps it was not the most clear articulation.
So I came to San Francisco at the urging of my guides. In fact, I think I have been a pretty good sport following the bread crumb trail of employment and life experiences that has been laid before me. I found work consistently in New Orleans and have spent a good amount of time pondering what my current lesson is meant to be. Part of me recoils at the idea that my guides and higher self are plotting my 'lessons' from a detached place where they calmly (actually sans emotion) align me with things I need for growth. In fact, this in the past has caused me a great deal of grief due to disagreement with my guides and the lessons I am experiencing.
I have made peace with all the trauma and drama that has been part and parcel in my life. Which ties in incredibly well to my sense of worth and employment which is tied to 'income' and sense of societal wellbeing. I had no idea how much I had bought in to the idea that good citizens have jobs and pay their bills on time etc. And I have done so my entire life- in fact, as a swing back from my mother's non stop bill collecting/avoiding life long quest I usually paid my bills early and in higher quantities than requested. I have slowly swung back to center to realizing it is ok to pay the minumum amount requested, and would even go so far to say that my relationship with money is a decent to fair one. I have successfully paid off huge portions of my student loans, I have used credit cards wisely (mostly for investments for my business and to ease financial stress in lighter times and professional development). And yet, here I stand/sit writing this in a totally brave new world.
I find myself in a new city meeting people and engaging with them and when someone asks, "how was your day?" I find myself internally scrammbling to come up with some sort of accountability. Then part of my recounts all the skills I have, or the education that I bought so much into...more things I have paid to attach to my name. In fact, the last training I partook of the amazing Louise Hay workshop leader training- my major epiphany was that perhaps after all this I don't need more training. I love to learn and if the universe provides with the ample funds- I will indeed go on to learn/train forever. So how was my day, I find myself making a point to make my bed, tidy the room I am subletting, do dishes as a way of generating a feeling of accomplishment.
I can remember those mornings when I was landscaping and I had to get up at 6am and I was hating it and here I lay in the bed in the morning and I wish for a reason to propell me from the covers. Sometimes I am so tempted by the lure of deep depression- just to finally say fine life- you won. I'm tired. I'm not sure why you brought me here to San Francisco to curl up and cry but fine-and then a school teacher voice in my head says 'ok, now positive thoughts create a positive life- so lets not succumb to surrender of depression. LETS GET HAPPY'. maybe i am not the teacher i thought i was. perhaps i do not understand the law of attraction as i previously thought. perhaps perhaps
and i have trained myself to focus on the positive. so when someone asks me how my day is- i will do my best to kid or joke or recount the blessings as i see them and appreciate them. and for right now were you to see me and ask how i am- i would say, well i made my bed, did the dishes, applied for a few more jobs and cried all morning. oh, i wrote some in my blog too. for all beings of light, all guides, all angels, all beings that wish to help elevate the planet- i ask to lovingingly receive your support and guidance at this time. I feel (right now) like giving up and like I got it wrong. please help me. amen.
So I came to San Francisco at the urging of my guides. In fact, I think I have been a pretty good sport following the bread crumb trail of employment and life experiences that has been laid before me. I found work consistently in New Orleans and have spent a good amount of time pondering what my current lesson is meant to be. Part of me recoils at the idea that my guides and higher self are plotting my 'lessons' from a detached place where they calmly (actually sans emotion) align me with things I need for growth. In fact, this in the past has caused me a great deal of grief due to disagreement with my guides and the lessons I am experiencing.
I have made peace with all the trauma and drama that has been part and parcel in my life. Which ties in incredibly well to my sense of worth and employment which is tied to 'income' and sense of societal wellbeing. I had no idea how much I had bought in to the idea that good citizens have jobs and pay their bills on time etc. And I have done so my entire life- in fact, as a swing back from my mother's non stop bill collecting/avoiding life long quest I usually paid my bills early and in higher quantities than requested. I have slowly swung back to center to realizing it is ok to pay the minumum amount requested, and would even go so far to say that my relationship with money is a decent to fair one. I have successfully paid off huge portions of my student loans, I have used credit cards wisely (mostly for investments for my business and to ease financial stress in lighter times and professional development). And yet, here I stand/sit writing this in a totally brave new world.
I find myself in a new city meeting people and engaging with them and when someone asks, "how was your day?" I find myself internally scrammbling to come up with some sort of accountability. Then part of my recounts all the skills I have, or the education that I bought so much into...more things I have paid to attach to my name. In fact, the last training I partook of the amazing Louise Hay workshop leader training- my major epiphany was that perhaps after all this I don't need more training. I love to learn and if the universe provides with the ample funds- I will indeed go on to learn/train forever. So how was my day, I find myself making a point to make my bed, tidy the room I am subletting, do dishes as a way of generating a feeling of accomplishment.
I can remember those mornings when I was landscaping and I had to get up at 6am and I was hating it and here I lay in the bed in the morning and I wish for a reason to propell me from the covers. Sometimes I am so tempted by the lure of deep depression- just to finally say fine life- you won. I'm tired. I'm not sure why you brought me here to San Francisco to curl up and cry but fine-and then a school teacher voice in my head says 'ok, now positive thoughts create a positive life- so lets not succumb to surrender of depression. LETS GET HAPPY'. maybe i am not the teacher i thought i was. perhaps i do not understand the law of attraction as i previously thought. perhaps perhaps
and i have trained myself to focus on the positive. so when someone asks me how my day is- i will do my best to kid or joke or recount the blessings as i see them and appreciate them. and for right now were you to see me and ask how i am- i would say, well i made my bed, did the dishes, applied for a few more jobs and cried all morning. oh, i wrote some in my blog too. for all beings of light, all guides, all angels, all beings that wish to help elevate the planet- i ask to lovingingly receive your support and guidance at this time. I feel (right now) like giving up and like I got it wrong. please help me. amen.
Monday, November 9, 2009
So here it is folks. The law of attraction in action that me myself and i am attempting YES! HEALING! YES! LOVING! YES- ah what were we talking about? I got distracted by all the good feelings. But aha! That's the whole point, my dears. To be so lost in what you are doing and in the thrill ride of the experience itself that you are receiving the totality of all that is you. Woah, that just got wordy.
I would like to express my personal experience with this law of reality that I have so boldly called myself a teacher/master and have for some time (three and a half months or so and backwards)been actively putting these laws to the test. And having a fantastic time! MY goodness, some of the things that the universe has cooked up for me over that time. I got a surprise trip to California, from who? OH, my guides. Yeah, they knew I needed a vacation. And I really did. Whilst engaging in my Post Doctorial at School of Life New Orleans, I had been floundering for some time. But like my dear spiritual teachers say, 'sing the praises of that which is pleasing and focus as little on that which is displeasing' so I really did my best to make the best of it. And no accident - law of attraction- I was used to processing a tremendous amount of stressful and intense energies... of course I felt so home at there for so long. And then, all that work, all the time- Ding ding ding. and im good. So after I continuously rang the bell of my doneness to my guides- the universe coollaberated to give me a glorious unfolding of California. I thought the going to California was my test and part of it certainly felt like it. But i did get on the plane and I know something healed on that flight...just before meeting Faith and Destiny who incidently were moving to San Francisco and sat next to me on the plane into San Francisco.
Clever guides, put my faith to the test immediately. I did not have a guarnteed night's stay at any hostel and was arriving in the afternoon, so not lots of time before the sun sets and it would be relatively desirable to have a place to sleep inside for the night. And I intuitively walked to the ocean and cried. Cried because part my soul was completely neglected not near the ocean- there is an entire part of my being that just sings or screams YES! everytime I am in any proximity to her. but I didn't freak out- I stayed present and walked and then got a phone call just after 5.30pm.
the 415 area code sort of confused me because i had just the moment before imagined my friend in new orleans who had moved from san francisco and so i answered the phone confused and delighted, 'Aaron?!'
A delay, "Um, this is the Blue Viking Hostel. We have a cancellation, but it being so late I bet you already got another room."
I was quiet only because I was jumping up and down in my head. "um, yes, absolutely. yeah, no. i mean, great i would love it." and so began my love affair with san francisco.
ah, sweet place. garden of eden... the land of plenty. providence. yes, i am a fan... anyway, so the whole point of this blog is to illustrate the law of attraction and for all those doubters out there (and inside myself, because you are only that which i am, dun dun dun) to prove it. So i have set out to prove it- and so far, it had totally delivered. And more. I am grateful to appreciate my current living situation. I lived by myself for over two years. I created some type of two year sentence that has come up continuously and finally when I realized that every pyschic/astrology/vedic/intuitive reading about my future slotted all the good stuff i was really really excited about having about two years away... and then one day- i realized, it had SOO been two years. So I look on those two years of living by myself as intense times of personal growth that truly challenged me; I felt like I had figured it all out and it made me question every single conclusion I had made. In short, I moved into an apartment on my own, my best friend had a major brain hemmorage and in coma, I quit my florist career abruptly because I was dying inside being there,my mother after years of being an addict and anyday waiting DOES pass and i am grieving for real, WHILE grieving the potentiality of my friend's recovery or not, WHILE starting my own business in healing WHILE having that friends furniture (because his house was my house, little complicated but sublet that got really extended and extanuating circumstances bananza) totally removed from the house WHILE affirming that the universe provides so no big worries that I suddenly with two days notice would not have a bed AND MANIFESTING a totally FREE bed that I ended up selling to create more money to move to San Francisco... but back to the the two year house of horror... but you are getting the point right? so i am a teacher and i profess that anything is possible and i had been planning trips to europe and south america- i heard about the law of attraction and i mentally booked myself a lot of international trips... and instead i got holy lot of lonleness and grief and pain. and i did great. im not sure if you know that, but i think i did great. and so i guess part of the name of the game in san francisco is to relax and receive. i was at the beach with some girls that live next door (i really love them , they are amazing- truly!) and the fire pit, and burning ceremony (anyone who knows me, right? seriously, waay to deliver universe) and the ocean and the sunset. MAGICAL. MAGICAL. MAGICAL. yeah, it's amazing. so, someone says, "this is incredible, what did we do to deserve this?" and another, "you paid your dues. now you get to live the good life" this place really is the good life, I am living in a space where that is confirmed in every minute of every day. I am so grateful. I am so grateful. I am so grateful.
I would like to express my personal experience with this law of reality that I have so boldly called myself a teacher/master and have for some time (three and a half months or so and backwards)been actively putting these laws to the test. And having a fantastic time! MY goodness, some of the things that the universe has cooked up for me over that time. I got a surprise trip to California, from who? OH, my guides. Yeah, they knew I needed a vacation. And I really did. Whilst engaging in my Post Doctorial at School of Life New Orleans, I had been floundering for some time. But like my dear spiritual teachers say, 'sing the praises of that which is pleasing and focus as little on that which is displeasing' so I really did my best to make the best of it. And no accident - law of attraction- I was used to processing a tremendous amount of stressful and intense energies... of course I felt so home at there for so long. And then, all that work, all the time- Ding ding ding. and im good. So after I continuously rang the bell of my doneness to my guides- the universe coollaberated to give me a glorious unfolding of California. I thought the going to California was my test and part of it certainly felt like it. But i did get on the plane and I know something healed on that flight...just before meeting Faith and Destiny who incidently were moving to San Francisco and sat next to me on the plane into San Francisco.
Clever guides, put my faith to the test immediately. I did not have a guarnteed night's stay at any hostel and was arriving in the afternoon, so not lots of time before the sun sets and it would be relatively desirable to have a place to sleep inside for the night. And I intuitively walked to the ocean and cried. Cried because part my soul was completely neglected not near the ocean- there is an entire part of my being that just sings or screams YES! everytime I am in any proximity to her. but I didn't freak out- I stayed present and walked and then got a phone call just after 5.30pm.
the 415 area code sort of confused me because i had just the moment before imagined my friend in new orleans who had moved from san francisco and so i answered the phone confused and delighted, 'Aaron?!'
A delay, "Um, this is the Blue Viking Hostel. We have a cancellation, but it being so late I bet you already got another room."
I was quiet only because I was jumping up and down in my head. "um, yes, absolutely. yeah, no. i mean, great i would love it." and so began my love affair with san francisco.
ah, sweet place. garden of eden... the land of plenty. providence. yes, i am a fan... anyway, so the whole point of this blog is to illustrate the law of attraction and for all those doubters out there (and inside myself, because you are only that which i am, dun dun dun) to prove it. So i have set out to prove it- and so far, it had totally delivered. And more. I am grateful to appreciate my current living situation. I lived by myself for over two years. I created some type of two year sentence that has come up continuously and finally when I realized that every pyschic/astrology/vedic/intuitive reading about my future slotted all the good stuff i was really really excited about having about two years away... and then one day- i realized, it had SOO been two years. So I look on those two years of living by myself as intense times of personal growth that truly challenged me; I felt like I had figured it all out and it made me question every single conclusion I had made. In short, I moved into an apartment on my own, my best friend had a major brain hemmorage and in coma, I quit my florist career abruptly because I was dying inside being there,my mother after years of being an addict and anyday waiting DOES pass and i am grieving for real, WHILE grieving the potentiality of my friend's recovery or not, WHILE starting my own business in healing WHILE having that friends furniture (because his house was my house, little complicated but sublet that got really extended and extanuating circumstances bananza) totally removed from the house WHILE affirming that the universe provides so no big worries that I suddenly with two days notice would not have a bed AND MANIFESTING a totally FREE bed that I ended up selling to create more money to move to San Francisco... but back to the the two year house of horror... but you are getting the point right? so i am a teacher and i profess that anything is possible and i had been planning trips to europe and south america- i heard about the law of attraction and i mentally booked myself a lot of international trips... and instead i got holy lot of lonleness and grief and pain. and i did great. im not sure if you know that, but i think i did great. and so i guess part of the name of the game in san francisco is to relax and receive. i was at the beach with some girls that live next door (i really love them , they are amazing- truly!) and the fire pit, and burning ceremony (anyone who knows me, right? seriously, waay to deliver universe) and the ocean and the sunset. MAGICAL. MAGICAL. MAGICAL. yeah, it's amazing. so, someone says, "this is incredible, what did we do to deserve this?" and another, "you paid your dues. now you get to live the good life" this place really is the good life, I am living in a space where that is confirmed in every minute of every day. I am so grateful. I am so grateful. I am so grateful.
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